Friday, June 1, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse, Redux

I don't know about you, but I'm a little concerned about zombies.  I know I've been a skeptic in the past (see here), but recent events have lead me to believe that we are on the cusp of an all-out brain buffet. My sister has whipped me into a frenzy by continually posting zombie updates on her Facebook, and now I am starting to lose sleep.  I may or may not need help.

Let's examine the facts for a moment.  A couple of months ago, I read about some sort of parasite that's turning bees into zombies.  Back in March, there was a story on this horrible mystery illness in Uganda that has completely incapacitated large numbers of children. Earlier this week, there was the guy in Miami who attacked a homeless guy by eating his face off (in case you've been living under a rock, there's more here) -- so severe was the attack that he's even been dubbed the Miami Zombie, leading his girlfriend to assert that he was under a voodoo spell (and don't even get me started on voodoo -- that shit is no joke!).  As if that wasn't enough, yesterday news broke about a guy in Maryland (which is altogether too close to D.C. for comfort, if you ask me) who killed and then ate his roommate's brain and heart. I mean, what?! 

By no means am I trying to make light of these really sad and disturbing stories, but if you don't think it's eyebrow-raising then there's something wrong with you.  There's something going on, and as far as I can tell the CDC, NIH, and the FDA (and possibly the Pentagon -- who knows how far up this goes), are all ignoring it. This is an eat-or-be-eaten world, apparently, and it's time to decide which you will be.  I've always thought I would be the "just let me die in the street" kind of person, not wanting to roam a vast urban wasteland, hiding in warehouses and climbing up bell towers to escape the undead.  But these recent events have made me think a little harder about my reaction, should we be facing an imminent zombie attack.

I would like to pause for a moment and realize that in the marriage lottery, I hit the jackpot.  WH has been studying zombie movies for longer than I can even imagine.  He has his zombie-plan well established, and is ready to take on any brain-eaters that may come.  Now, I don't want to be a zombie-fighting golddigger, so I've got to get on board.  I suppose this will mean I need to take a kickboxing class, maybe learn how to swordfight, and that I revise my "no weapons in the house" policy.  Or, I could just resort to this:

pics on Sodahead

At any rate, I'm on high alert.  What will you do to prepare?

1 comment:

  1. I hadn't really thought about it much before now. Although that picture is really very genius. I may go with that, add in a gun or two, some samari swords, and a bazooka and i think we will be able to hold down the Dumfries fort. :D