D.C. has had several instances of "cuddlers" recently. These creepy souls break into women's homes, get into bed with them, and "cuddle" with them. Scary! Perhaps the worst part is that the media has dubbed this misguided fellow the "Georgetown Cuddler." Isn't that cute?
Can't you just imagine some sweet, chubby toddler in a bunny costume snuggling up to you as you browse the racks of Intermix? Or maybe one of those giant-headed Presidents that run around at the Nationals games -- Teddy Roosevelt, most likely -- sidling up to you while waiting on the bus stop and giving you a little, nonthreatening, patriotic squeeze? Certainly not a raving lunatic who crawls into your bed at night after having broken into your house.
I lamented this name on my Facebook page earlier this week, to which a number of male friends volunteered alternative monikers. Chris offered "something Germanic," and came up with "SleazeballGroper." While Darren, who actually lives in Germany offered the alternative, "Nacht schleichende Intimität Verletzer," which translates to "night creeping intimacy violator," because as he put it, they don't have Sleezeball Groper in their vernacular. And my lawyer friend, Bill, in his infinite snarkdom proposed "Felony Snuggler," and thought he should be charged with Breaking and Entering and Spooning.
The one female who weighed in agreed that a) "cuddler" was too sweet a name, and b) the whole thing was scary. It's easy to make light of the night creeping intimacy violator, because it's a such an unusual crime. But just imagine waking up to a stranger in your bed. Makes me want to change my name to Gun-toting Sheets Defender.