Thursday, January 5, 2012

Let's Not and Say We Did

I have recently seen several stories about reverse bucket lists . . . lists of things that people don't want to try before they die.  And in these days of trying everything, living life to the fullest, tasting the rainbow, and what have you, I love the idea of being honest about stuff you'd rather not do. And so, dear readers, without further ado, here is a list of things I would not like to try before I meet my maker:
Hot Yoga -- a dear friend of mine introduced me to yoga a couple of years ago, and I could not be happier about that.  It's freeing, challenging, and relaxing all at the same time.  But what I cannot bear the thought of is doing yoga in 105° heat. You can keep your hot yoga.

Climbing Everest -- I mean really.  I climb four flights of stairs just to get home every day and that's about enough for me.  People die doing that shit.  You can also keep your Everest.

Visit all 50 States -- with apologies to the ones in the middle, I've been to 30 of the 50, but I think I'm set.  Sure, I'd love to see Alaska and Hawaii, but should I leave this earthly paradise without having set foot in Oklahoma or Idaho, I'll be alright.

Shoot a Gun -- please don't go all NRA on me.  I know I have the right to bear arms, but that's enough for me.  I don't feel the need to exercise it.  Bang, bang.

Go Camping -- this might not count.  I've been camping.  Sort of.  One night with the Girl Scouts in 4th grade.  Platform tents. Spiders. Outhouses. 'Nuff said. Just make me a reservation at the Sheraton, please.

Dive in a Shark Cage -- or at all, for that matter.  If we had been meant to spend extended periods under water, we'd have been born with gills. I swam with dolphins once and spent 12 years on the swim team as a kid.  I think I'm all set with the water.

Burning Man -- seriously. I'm 36 years old and I wear suits to work. I think that pretty much disqualifies me from attending anyway.  (See also, Go Camping.)

Eat Organ Meat -- brains, hearts, livers, no thanks.  I've tried a lot of things (octopus, alligator, even bear), but I really just don't want or need to pretend I'm enjoying sweetbreads or chitlins, thankyouverymuch.  This goes double for blood pudding.
Read Another Book By Gabriel Garcia Marquez -- because you can never get those plodding hours back.  Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you thought Love in a Time of Cholera was brilliant and all, but honestly, it made me want to hang myself.  Never again.

Take a Spinning Class -- biking is not my thing, even around the flat landscape in Rehoboth.  I can't think of any reason why an otherwise sane individual would want to combine club music, dim lighting, and extreme bike riding.  (See also Hot Yoga.)
I'm sure there are more.  I can't think of them at the moment, but maybe I'll update this list in future posts.  What things would you not like to try before you die?


  1. I'm with you on NO CAMPING. I love the great outdoors, but coming back inside to shower and sleep in a nice bed is necessary.

  2. Loving this idea. I have too much guilt about my bucket list, maybe I'll turn the whole thing into a reverse one!

  3. @Jess I don't even really love the great outdoors (unless there's wine. I reallly like wine).

    @Meppers I don't even have a bucket's that for guilt? I figured this was a much easier alternative.

  4. I don't need to skydive. Or take flying lessons. Because I'm not Tom Cruise.