Friday, July 1, 2011

Fucking Spongebob

Today at happy hour WH and I got into a familiar conversation.  You see, he's no fan of Spongebob.  In fact, he has full-on malice towards him.  Here's how it went down:

WH:  Fucking Spongebob.

WT: Huh?

WH: You know, they said Tom and Jerry were too violent for children.

WT: Who are they?

WH: They are they.   You know, they said the guy who made Alice in Wonderland was on acid.  They said talking animals set children up for unrealistic expectations.  They said it's not proper those animals don't have pants on.  They said all of that. 

WT: It kind of sounds like the teaparty.  Are they the teaparty?

WH:  They are they.

WT: Ok.

WH:  So with all of that corrected, they came up with the idea of Spongebob.  He's proper.  He wears pants -- which are square -- and it's unlike Alice in Wonderland, made by a sober person.  It's a fucking sponge who wears square pants and lives under the sea in a pineapple and drives a fucking hamburger car.  Now tell me, which one is on acid?

WT: Yeah.

WH:  Why is he wearing pants?  I don't get it.  Oh, and his enemy is calamari?  He's an evil calamari.

WT:  Oh.

WH:  And what does Spongebob eat?  I don't know.  I'm pretty sure he's not taking a bite of his own car.  He drives a cheeseburger.  He fights a calamari.  And I don't have any clue what he eats.  Maybe he eats soap.

WT:  Soap?

WH:  He's a sponge!  And why in the world does he live under the sea in a pineapple.  I dare somebody to find a weirder situation.

WT:  Yeah.

WH: What about a knife who lives in outerspace and in order to survive he needs to cut space cheese.  Maybe someone else can come up with a better idea, but it's still not as ridiculous as a sponge under the sea living in a pineapple.

WT:  True.

WH:  And what kind of pants do you put on a knife?  Yoga pants?  Straight jeans?  Tights?  And definitely the knife has fish eyes -- one on this side, one on the other side.

WT:  Probably.

WH:  I can imagine the face of those sweatshop workers in China, making those Spongebob toys, wondering what the fuck are these.  Why are American kids playing with these.  I'm telling you, they are ruining the kids.

WT: I guess.

WH:  Chinese children are doing math problems and playing with nunchucks in their spare time, while American kids are watching Spongebob and sucking down a Big Gulp.  And we're hoping to catch up with China?!?

And on and on.  I never realized how passionate one man could be about a cartoon character.  Though I tend to agree.  I'm not sure who they are, but if they came up with Spongebob, they should probably be in rehab.

7 comments:

  1. I totally agree with WH. It's ridiculous that they put pants on cartoon characters. If kids get offended by Donald Duck not having pants on, the problem is the kid, not the cartoon.

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  2. Haven't laughed this much in a while!

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  3. I'm not wearing pants. Down with da man aka THEY.

    Has WH seen They Live with Rowdy Rowdy Piper? Is that the same They?

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  4. I want to know exactly how pearl is Mr. Crabs daughter.

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  5. He, like the knife, has a point. Know what's even more ridiculous than Sponge Bob? This toilet (http://tinyurl.com/3ph4gks) which looks like it was designed for Sponge Bob. Seriously? Who has a square ass?

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  6. This whole post and all of these comments are hilarious. Personally, I don't understand how you people without children have this much time to know this much nonsense about Sponge Bob, but since you made me laugh, I'm letting it go.

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  7. Laughing out loud! Tina, great blog...I am friends with Tracy M, formerly Tracy H, now in AZ. I saw she followed your blog as well as mine and thought I would take a peek. Keep up the posts, I will definitely check back often! I started to write a food blog earlier this summer, www.oneloudlemon.blogspot.com. It has been fun, I wanted to do it for so long and am so happy I finally, finally did it. Thanks for the laughs!

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