Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Unicorn vs. Hamster

Let it be said that WH and I love Christmas.  A lot.  Here's what neither of us can stand: the adverstising.  One advertising phenomenon in particular makes us both spew.  It's something you may not have noticed, but that once I point it out, you'll never be able to ignore it again. 

During the holidays, the commercials feature what I've heard called the "Unicorn Man."  He's that guy who is attractive, eligible, and smart, with a chin dimple who gives gifts like Lexuses (or is the plural of Lexus, Lexi?) and diamond tennis bracelets to his unsuspecting, yet adoring wife/girlfriend/mistress (In one instance he even comes home from Africa for a cup of coffee with his little sister, but that's really not relevant here).  He is the man who the commercial people have dreamed up, but who does not exist . . . just like a unicorn.  Evidence below:

WH really hates this commercial.  Every time we see it, it sends him into fits -- and he has good reason.  You see, the Unicorn Man only comes out at Christmas (and maybe Valentine's Day). Sure, he might say he's right here and always will be, but come January third, he's history. Sure, he'll reappear briefly around Groundhog Day, but he'll be back in his hole before you know it.  And as WH points out, the man with whom he is replaced is a "Hamster Doofus."  This guy is more like a son than a husband, and needs to be taken care of, chastised, and generally watched over so he doesn't poke his eyes out with the corner of his Doritos chip.  See proof below:

This particular guy has been dubbed by WH as the Yogurt-Stealing Hamster Doofus.  He also does not actually exist. WH had some deep thoughts on the issue: 
How is it that the the guy who is supposed to be strong and romantic becomes a  hopeless Hamster Doofus two months later?  And how is it that this woman who relies on the strong chest of her partner all of the sudden becomes a controlling witch?   I'll tell you why.  Around the holiday season you must buy diamonds and the rest of the year, you must buy yogurt.   You know what I'd like to see, put that cool guy in the kitchen and the Hamster Doofus in the cabin.  I bet you anything that Hamster Doofus would go hide under the table during the storm.
I agree with WH about the men, but good grief, what about the women!  What is that lady staring out into the dark for anyway?  And why is she so terrified of a little thunder?  It's not the nuclear holocaust.  And let's not even get me started on that shrew with the yogurt.  Why should she care if he's talking on the phone with his buddy?  It's yogurt, not the Yalta Conference, for chrissakes.

The reality is that nobody's perfect like the Unicorn and nobody's completely inept and afraid of eating their wife's yogurt.  Husbands surprise their wives with jewelry, and they tick them off by leaving a half an inch of orange juice in the carton.  Boyfriends leave their socks on the floor and they cook gourmet meals on the fly.  Trust me, WH has the best taste in jewelry of anyone ever, and I've called my friends to tell them about my latest gift.  And even though he has eaten the last yogurt, I have never, in all our years, caught him on the phone with a friend discussing his love affair with pineapple upside down cake. 


  1. I hate these commercials too! I don't think unicorn men are out there, or many hamsters for that matter. The truth is always somewhere in the middle.


  2. I totally agree. Your names for these categories are hilarious! Advertisers are idiots who seem stubbornly committed to these ridiculous gender stereotypes, especially during the holidays. I don't even know why I watch TV this time of year.

  3. I can't stand that coffee commercial with the guy who comes back from Africa. Even if a unicorn man is out there, I'm not sure I'd want him. To cliche, I like mine slightly flawed.- AW

  4. haaaaaa! Love it. And notice how drab the yogurt shrew is? Could she be any less sexy in her bare face, ponytail, and drab sweat suit? No!

    And after watching the cabin commercial, I feel slighted. My boyfriend and I have been up to the mountain cabin TWICE this Fall and not once has he protected me from thunder or surprised me with jewelry. And here I had been excited when he frothed the milk for my coffee.

    I've learned so much...

  5. I'm with you!! I cannot stand that stupid afraid-of-thunder commercial. Ridiculous.

    I love the juxtaposition at the end though. I'm always running the list of "good deeds" through my head when trying not to nag him for leaving his socks laying around everywhere. :)

  6. Here's what I don't get, ladies, if we all can't stand those stupid commercials, and men can't stand them (well, I'm only going off of WH, but that's totally a scientific sample), why do these stupid advertisers run them?

    I really can't get over that nitwit afraid of the storm. Barf. Kay is the worst offender, but also bad are Jared and Charleston Alexander.

    Maybe they should hire us to write some real world commercials. Picture it, woman comes home from work. She's tired. Takes off her shoes and flops on the couch. Man enters. He's tired too. Flops next to her on the couch. They turn on the TV and see a stupid commercial. He leans toward her and says, "what a bunch of bullshit." She looks at her ring (or tennis bracelet) and smiles knowingly at him. He farts. "Indeed," she says. See, that would be a good commercial.

  7. Although WH's comments have been shared by Tina I must weigh in(sensitive male that I am) and share my hatred for said commercials. As for the cabin spot, I for one would find it funny if said male would jump into his woman's arms and she present him with with some Old Spice. Advertisers play on the stereo-typical roles of men and Jane. Trust me I have seen women at the Crossfit locations who can do overhead presses with more than I can lift and would have no trouble supporting her in whatever role she would tell me to do!

  8. Thanks, BCrawford for weighing in and supporting my scientific hypothesis. I love the Old Spice idea! And also agree that it's stereotypical ideas...but wouldn't it be so much more eyecatching and fun to watch (and maybe make you buy) if these companies changed it up a bit?

    I love this discussion!

  9. I loathe both of those commercials. There's also this Bounty one where the father and son are having all this fun sliding the salsa and then it spills! But it's cool, the mom magically appears to clean up the mess that they made. Because that's her job and the only time she should be present. When she's cleaning up after their fun times.